


Firsts

by Agent_24



Series: A Yearning [1]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Blackwatch Era, Blackwatch Jesse McCree, Blackwatch Reaper | Gabriel Reyes, Day 1, Firsts, Fluff and Angst, M/M, McReyesSpringBreak, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 14:45:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10362786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_24/pseuds/Agent_24
Summary: Reminiscence:n. the enjoyable recollection of past events.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to [Unfold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hI5Q8kzsb8w) by Alina Baraz & Galimatias

The first time Jesse kissed him, it was after a mission nearly went south. Ironically, it was another weapons trafficking bust. Jesse fought like a wild man, like he had something to prove, and his eye looked painfully red when it was all said and done. Despite all his efforts, one of the gang members still had time to panic and pull a grenade. Jesse and Gabriel had just barely escaped in time, though they still felt the searing heat against their backs.

“Jesus Christ,” Gabriel said, dragging a hand down his face, features lit by the burning building. There went anything they could’ve used to make an arrest, but then again...now there wasn’t anyone _to_ arrest.

Jesse burst into laughter and shook his head. “Jesus Christ is right. You know what Deadlock would do to me if they could see me now?”

Gabriel was more concerned with what _Deadeye_ would do to Jesse. “You fucked up your eye,” he said, chiding and proud all at once.

“Sure did,” Jesse agreed, squeezing his eye shut. It was visibly red even in the poor lighting.

“Dumbass,” Gabriel huffed. “You’re really transparent, you know that?”

Jesse barked a laugh and advanced on him. Gabriel barely had time to blink before Jesse kissed him, quick and sharp, like it was something he had to steal. He whirled away right after and raked both hands through his hair, then shouted, “Goddamn! I lost my goddamn hat.”

Neither of them mentioned the kiss for month. Jesse acted like it didn’t happen, and Gabriel was too shy to bring it up.

* * *

The second time Jesse kissed him, it was a little more purposeful, done over morning coffee in the base’s kitchen. Gabriel was up at his regular hours, Jesse up early, idly stirring sugar into black coffee, while Gabriel sipped on caramel. He could’ve sat down if he wanted, but he stood with his back against the counter, nearly shoulder to shoulder with the cowboy.

“Dunno how you drink that,” Jesse said conversationally. He wrinkled his nose. “Too sweet.”

Gabriel smiled against the rim of his mug. “Too bitter,” he returned, nodding towards Jesse’s cup.

“Fair ‘nough,” Jesse said. After that it was quiet, save for the soft clink of Jesse’s spoon against his mug.

Jesse inched closer. Gabriel leaned in.

They bumped noses, quietly hesitating. Jesse dared first, dipped forward to peck at Gabriel’s mouth before Gabriel pressed back lightly. It was a little bit soft and a little bit tender, like they wanted to sample each other despite the talk of one another’s coffee.

Gabriel could’ve kept kissing him, would’ve been delighted to, but Jesse drew back and searched his face before he returned to stirring in sugar, a thoughtful look lingering on his features. Gabriel sipped on his macchiato.

They didn’t talk about that kiss either.

* * *

The third time Jesse kissed him, it was a little unorthodox. Jesse followed him into the office late in the evening, chattering away about the details of a recent mission, appearing casual as anything until he closed the door. The moment it shut, he rushed forward.

Gabriel blinked in surprise and felt the back of his legs hit his desk. “Jesse -“ was all he managed to get out before Jesse silenced him, hungry and perhaps a little desperate. His hands skirted over Gabriel’s waist, pressed down harder when Gabriel didn’t push him away, harder still when Gabriel reciprocated.

He drew back after a moment, breathless. Gabriel’s lips felt a little swollen.

“I been wantin’ you somethin’ awful,” Jesse pleaded.

Gabriel surged forward and kissed him hard, arms wrapped around the cowboy’s shoulders. Jesse immediately hooked his hands under Gabriel’s thighs and hoisted him onto the desk like he’d been waiting for permission. Gabriel’s breath hitched. Jesse made a soft noise of satisfaction, fingers sliding up Gabriel’s shirt.

Gabriel lost track of how many times they kissed after that.

* * *

The first time Jesse slept in his quarters, Gabriel had a bit of a crisis about it.

Jesse was asleep, face half buried in the pillow and partially hidden behind his hair. Under the sheets, he was naked, arms strewn across Gabriel’s chest, their legs entwined. Gabriel half expected to wake up to his morning alarm at any given moment and find his bed woefully empty.

Jesse hadn’t asked if he could stay. He just never ended up getting out of bed, and fell asleep soon after. And that was fine - Gabriel was rather pleased that Jesse had saved him the effort - but it left him with the sudden realization that they would wake up tangled together, and Jesse’s voice would be thick with sleep, hair mussed, eyes adorably unfocused without the usual shot of morning caffeine.

Gabriel felt his face warm the longer he thought about it.

It was an incredible series of events: Jesse kissing him, Jesse wanting him back, Jesse coming to his bedroom. Jesse _staying_ in his bedroom. No matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn’t think of any instances before the gang bust mission in which Jesse gave any indication of romantic interest. Did devotion count as indication? He’d always attributed it to Jesse growing into a hero complex, but now he wasn’t so sure.

His heart startled at the idea that Jesse might love him.

He desperately wanted to ask, but that wasn’t how that type of thing worked, and he wasn’t quite sure what he’d do with himself if Jesse said no and ended up looking uncomfortable. He considered giving Jesse his own confession, but the mere thought of it had waves of anxiety rolling around in his stomach.

He’d get around to admitting it out loud eventually, likely after the feeling had swelled up in his chest and strangled him, after it felt impossible to keep to himself anymore.

The second time Jesse slept in his bed, he tucked his nose against Gabriel’s throat and murmured, “Like you bein’ mine.”

* * *

The first time they argued - seriously, as a couple - Gabriel felt a sharp ache in his chest the moment Jesse stalked out of the room.

It was a stupid argument, or at least, he assumed so based on the fact that he wouldn’t remember what it was about after a relatively short amount of time. Still, Jesse’s expression was singed into his memory, the harsh tones of his usually honeyed voice burning in the back of his mind.

Gabriel apologized first because he couldn’t stand the silent treatment, because he worshipped Jesse and he was fucked and he knew it. Jesse looked at him, calculating, and they talked for a long time without raising their voices. Compromise became easy (something Gabriel had been nervous about; did Jesse feel like he had the ability to say no?), and Jesse ended up being both firmer and less stubborn than he’d expected.

Gabriel worried that he sounded too desperate when he asked for a kiss. Jesse either didn’t notice or didn’t mind, and he left a faint pink bruise over Gabriel’s collarbones.

* * *

“I love you,” Jesse said soft, fingers combing through Gabriel’s curls. Not for the first time, Gabriel found himself speechless.

He rolled over halfway, looking up at Jesse from his lap, eyes wide and mouth hanging open in surprise. “Sorry?” he managed.

Jesse looked very serious, as if he was stating a commonly known fact, as if he hadn’t told Gabriel he loved him. “I love you,” he repeated, appearing unaware of how ready Gabriel was to jump out of his skin.

Gabriel blinked and stared, searching Jesse’s face for any sign of a joke, and abruptly sat up when he found none. “Can you say that again?” he rasped, turning to sit on his knees, hands reaching.

“I love you,” Jesse said solemn.

Gabriel was crawling over him already, embarrassed at the thickness of his voice. “Again,” he pleaded.

“I love you,” Jesse said firmly, with purpose. He let Gabriel push him down to the bed, arms snaking around Gabriel’s body, hands clutching at his shoulder blades. Gabriel loved the weight of Jesse’s metal fingers, the heavy way they dug into his skin.

Gabriel kissed at Jesse’s throat lightly. “One more time,” he breathed.

Jesse clicked his tongue. “Greedy,” he chided, tilting his chin down to bump noses. “I love you, Gabriel.”

“Damn,” Gabriel said. His breath caught in his throat even as he nibbled at Jesse’s bottom lip. When he had enough air, he said, “I love you.”

Jesse smiled and nuzzled against Gabriel’s cheek. “I know, sweetheart.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been-“

“I know, honeybee.” Jesse laughed. “You ain’t been real subtle about it.”

Gabriel grinned. “Sorry.”

Jesse snorted. “For what?” He kissed the corner of Gabriel’s mouth, amused. “You ain’t real observant, either.”

“Sorry,” Gabriel said again, cheeks flushed.

Jesse smiled. “Don’t be.”

* * *

The first time Gabriel slept with the knowledge that Jesse wasn’t coming back, he didn’t sleep at all.

Jack visited the base for no real reason soon after. He looked at Gabriel with pity, tried to inch closer with some semblance of comfort.

Gabriel isolated himself. His mission reports started arriving on Jack’s desk faster.

* * *

The first time he saw ‘Mystery Man’, he felt nothing more than curiosity. The first time he remembered, he ached, and the first time he pulled down the man’s scarf and kissed him, he realized it had been seven years.

Jesse promised he wouldn’t leave again, and Gabriel couldn’t do anything but believe him after he’d gone through the trouble to sneak into Talon. Gabriel wanted to scold him for his recklessness and quickly found that he couldn’t do that either. He burned knowing that Jesse had risked everything to get him out, with the idea that Jesse still burned for him just as badly.

The first time he had an attack, he lost control of his form for nearly an hour.

During this hour, Jesse chased him around the cabin until he was too out of breath to continue. He slid to the floor, back against the couch, and Gabriel eventually settled in his lap, curling around Jesse’s body and softly pulsing in time with Jesse’s heartbeat. Jesse held out his hand, and tendrils of smoke slid between his fingers.

When Gabriel reformed, Jesse squeezed his hand and rubbed soothing circles into his shoulder. Soon after, Jesse carried him to bed.

Gabriel slept for almost two days.

* * *

The first day of their marriage was, for them, a little bit magical.

By legal definitions, it wasn’t a marriage at all; Jesse was still running sixty million and steadily climbing, and Gabriel had a broken gravestone somewhere in Los Angeles. Even so, they were wearing rings on their fingers, which was all that mattered, really. Jesse wore his on his right hand, and Gabriel practiced for hours to make sure his would go with him in wraith.

They pushed all the furniture aside in the living room, dressed up in fine suits, and put on old jazz. They spun and laughed and dipped each other, and sometimes, they just swayed, pressed flush.

They cooked a big meal that, in truth, was too much for them to eat, and if they ended up with flour prints on their pants, then...well, that couldn’t exactly be helped. After they ate, they put all the furniture back and sipped champagne on the couch. They put on a movie, and Gabriel carried Jesse to bed when he fell asleep. They touched idly for an hour before dozing off, exchanging sleepy kisses and lazy nibbles, arms encircling and legs entangled.

The day after their marriage was, for the most part, much like any other. Jesse joked that it was because they were always married. Gabriel liked that idea perhaps a little too much.

**Author's Note:**

> dès vu  
> n. from French dès vu, "seen as soon as" or "seen from this point forward." Like déjà vu, but in the reverse order—already remembering something as you're living it. One day you’ll remember this moment, and it’ll mean something very different. Maybe you’ll cringe and laugh, or brim with pride, aching to return. Or notice some detail hidden in the scene, a future landmark making its first appearance or discreetly taking its final bow. 
> 
> \- The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows


End file.
